1st July - The past few days

Saturday
Went to meadowhall today. Tried to eat a rack of ribs but for me it was like fighting a tiger and I couldn’t manage eating them. The exertion of lifting them and trying to tug the meat from them tired me very quickly.
I should have stuck to my usual sloppy food.

Sunday
Had a bad night’s sleep and therefore felt groggy most of the morning. I ate dinner and then went back to bed until 6.00 that evening. All my life seems to be at the moment is sleep, get up, watch TV, get dressed and washed ( on a good day ) back to watch TV , eat if I’m given any food . If no one is here I can’t be bothered to get anything to eat as I get too exhausted, cant breath and sometimes have panic attacks, so it’s easier not to eat or have a biscuit which may have been left in the room for me.
After evening dinner I then settle in my make shift bedroom and read or watch TV. This is my life at the moment. No wonder I’m bloody depressed but I haven’t the energy to do anything else.
Oh! I also forgot my sister in laws birthday party I slept through it and no one wanted to wake me to remind me, sorry Tracy.

Monday
Had a small panic attack today and Abi called mum to come round and help me. So she stopped the rest of the day and we went for a short walk in the village. I am still finding it difficult sleeping. I spoke to Dianne who is waiting for a transplant today. They called her for the 10th time a couple of weeks ago but unfortunately for her and fortunately for the other recipient the lungs went to a different woman.
We had a long chat about how we are coping. I think we are both now on anti depressants to try and stabilise our emotions and anxiety levels

Tuesday
Had to get the doctor out today. I have been having severe panic attacks and feeling very anxious over the past 4 days. I have cried, not slept and I’ve started having more health problems other than the lungs which is unbearable at the moment.
Ive just gone on my Blog site and one of the ladies lynn waiting for a transplant has been given the gift of a new life back on the 21st May and shes just been in touch. I am thrilled for her and her family and am grateful to the family who gave her this gift.