My Diary 20th June 2008
Saturday
Went out to Meadowhall for my weekly outing. I wore my oxygen all the time I had the usual stares but I don’t care anymore. I can’t manage without it.
Sunday
Quite day today reading,surfing the internet on the computer and watching TV. Shouted and cried at everyone today. I feel so bad doing this but everything is getting on top of me. John and the kids are finding it all extremely difficult to cope with and my heart goes out to them ,mum and dad put a brave face on things but I know they are suffering as well.
Monday
I’ve been on the list a year and preparing for it for a further 2. I am now thinking have I made the right decision. The waiting is torture; if I don’t get one how many regrets will everyone have. Should I be doing more now to make happy memories? I probably don’t believe I’m dying so I don’t think I need to make memories I’m so confused.
Tuesday
District nurse came to take my bloods today to check antibodies ready for Newcastle. Janet cleaned and mum shopped and ironed for me as usual. Ann my sister in law came to show me her wedding photos, she’s beautiful on them. The anti –depressants aren’t working yet and I’m still crying and feeling depressed. I am at the stage where I feel that I have lost control of my life and there is nothing I can do.
Wednesday
Kathy and Mark friends from years ago have been in touch via the star web site. It’s fantastic I’m so pleased to hear from them.
I’ve not been able to sleep for 5 days now, due to shallow breathing. Sue came round to spend the evening with me painting my nails watching big brother.
Thursday
Woke after a fitful night’s sleep. Abi not feeling well and my mum had to take her to the doctors. I feel worthless as I can’t take my own daughter to the doctors and be there for her.
Friday
Sue brought me a champagne and strawberry picnic round to eat in the back garden as I wasn’t well enough to leave the house. It was a lovely surprise.
Friday, 20 June 2008
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2 comments:
Don't give up, your call will come. I got my transplant on the 21st May. Thats why I havent been in touch. I am thinking of you and hope and pray u get your call soon.
x x x
Oh hun, you're being so brave. Its so tough waiting so long. You reach that point of dispair right? Me too sometimes but we just have to keep hoping!! My sleep pattern is so erratic too. Takes around 2hours to settle down each night. I now have hayfever too which really isn't helping my breathing :-( There has to be a point to our journies??? I will keep thinking of you.
Lu xx
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